The Masochist Speaks

Sometimes in the room
Of my deepest fantasies
I wonder...
How would it have been
If I could give myself
The pain beyond all pain
So that there'll be no pain after that?
If I could somehow scoop up my heart
From its bony nest
Lest it suddenly breaks?
Or could slit open my eyeballs
Before it longs for you
And gazes along the road
That led you astray?

How would it feel
To smear my variegated soul
On a hueless cold stone wall
To draw a collage of life
Before the wild dagger
Finds it's mark?
Or to pass on my light
To the next one in the line
Before the darkness
Nibbles me away,slowly....

Sometimes while brooding
In the dark dusty room
Of my deepest fantasies,
I want to face the ever-illuding shadow
And to press a kiss on its dead,damp lips
Before it shows its sneering black teeth to me
And takes me in for the numb slumber.

I wish I really could....